Confronting the Subconscious

Progress Check

In the conclusion of my first post ("A Final Attempt to Find the Self") I claimed that accepting the reality of one's circumstances enables self-reflection. My second post (part one of "On the Road to Recovery: Understanding Trauma") mentioned that, in order for said reflection to be meaningful, it is crucial to understand the cause(s) of one's suffering, which was identified as the monster called "trauma". Investigating types and causes of trauma enabled me to realize that my current state of mind and affairs are the results of complex trauma, i.e. long-term exposure to various events and circumstances which were traumatic in nature. Exploring responses tó and affects óf trauma (in both parts one and two of "On the Road to Recovery: Understanding Trauma") provided some insight into the thoughts we generate, feelings we experience, and actions we employ in our attempts to survive the devastation of trauma. 

Contemplating and expanding my understanding of trauma led to the discovery of unhealed trauma.  My previous post ("Confronting Trauma: Bereavement") recalled the origin of my journey with trauma as I realized the need for revisiting the past and reconstructing certain aspects of the unhealed trauma. Confronting this unhealed trauma enabled me to reflect on the destructive impact bereavement had on my life. It also empowered me to identify factors which inhibited healing for so many years. Most important: It made me realize that I had been ready, for quite a while now, to embrace the serenity which is the result of unconditional acceptance. Let it be clear that this enlightenment isn't the product of revisiting and reconstructing the unhealed trauma. Furthermore, it is also not due to an overdose of bereavement which desensitized me (an initial thought mentioned in my previous post).  After all, it seems that I was simply so overwhelmed by more recent trauma (of a different nature) that I was completely oblivious to this enlightenment. 

Intermezzo: Back to the Books

Nevertheless, coming to terms with this enlightenment required the process of revisiting and reconstructing unhealed trauma to be paused. I found it unfathomable that my absolute inability to accept the traumatic bereavement of my youth suddenly transformed into unconditional acceptance. How is it possible to abruptly realize that you are at peace with trauma from the past, especially trauma that was so incredibly painful and caused so much devastation to your life?

The concept of "revisiting" and "reconstructing" past trauma relates to what is known in psychology as "narrative therapy". Resilience Lab (2024) defines this as "[...] a therapeutic practice that invites you to re-author your life story, offering a creative way to navigate personal problems." As a scholar of literature, I have spent most of my life engaging with narratives (stories) in one or another way: At the age of 9 I started reading fiction, which soon became a fanatic hobby (I guess the subconscious of my young mind realized that reading enabled it to escape reality, even if it was just temporarily). After completing high school, I went to varsity to study languages and literature, an experience which transformed a "fanatic hobby" into the passion of "a life with literature." This resulted in a short academic career (which ended at the age of 24, when I left the country to teach abroad) and no less than three peer-reviewed articles, published in accredited academic journals. It goes without saying that my education and research exposed me to different ideas of narrative therapy, which literary criticism refers to as psycho-analysis. Looking back at this period of time in my life, I know realize that I've been contemplating the potential of literature as pscychological therapy for a very long time. This becomes evident when one considers the themes my publications were concerned with, i.e.: The "[...] notion of identities being constructed within discourse" (De Jager & Van Niekerk, 2010); "[...] textual reconstruction of the marginalised other in terms of the voicing of silence and the rewriting of history and memory" (De Jager, 2012);  "[...] Self-reflection on the poetical practice; abolishment of the boundaries between words and reality; and [...] poetry as medium of allaying inadequacies" (De Jager, 2011). 

Bothered by the seemingly insignificant way my mind dealt with the acceptance of the bereavement from my youth, I continued my research on the topic of narrative therapy. This lead to the confirmation of my suspicion that being completely overwhelmed by more recent trauma made me oblivious to the fact that I had come to terms with some aspects of past trauma. Gaining a better understanding of the tremendous impact trauma could have on your levels of consciousness also lead to a critical revelation about my history with trauma. It was as if the theoretical knowledge acted as the key which accessed a certain subconscious "vault". The content of this vault made the conscious mind aware of another unhealed trauma, one that was long-forgotten.          

References

De Jager, S. & Van Niekerk, J. (2010). Die Representasie van Afrikaneridentiteit in Deon Opperman se Kaburu (2008). Stilet: Tydskrif van die Afrikaanse Letterkundevereniging, 22(1), 15-29.  

De Jager, Shaun. (2011). Die poëtikale poësie van Herman de Coninck. Tydskrif vir Nederlands, 18(2), 47-56.

De Jager, Shaun. (2012). Die gemarginaliseerde "Ander" in P.G. du Plessis se Fees van die ongenooides. Stilet: Tydskrif van die Afrikaanse Letterkundevereniging, 24(1), 19-34.  

Resilience Lab. (2024). Narrative therapy: techniques, efficacy, and use cases. https://www.resiliencelab.us/thought-lab/narrative-therapy